Saturday, 27 April 2013

Hello, Possum !

Dear Possum(s)

I am very pleased that you found the tiny broken part in my roof tile, and decided to move in.   I know it's a lovely dark open space up there and you must have been chuffed to find your new roomy rent-free apartment.

I never knew that possums could River-dance - I certainly never expected you to be doing it from 2 to 5 am every morning in my bedroom ceiling wearing hob-nailed boots.   

I'm sorry for not being an appreciative audience to your performances.   I'm sure the other families you roomed with enjoyed them a hell of a lot more than I do.   Perhaps they also supplied you with the steroids that made you twice as big as you should be.

Also, thanks for jumping on the eaves with your fat steroid-taking possum bums, and causing it to fall down.   That's really nice that you've created a nice platform there, so that anything can now walk into my roof with ease and comfort.  

 You've turned my roof into a fricking Noah's Ark.   I can only imagine what will be able to move into my roof now.   I know it won't be something magical like unicorns.

It's windy today, and I'm sure the roof space is getting a lovely airing from the huge bloody two-metre hole that is now open to the elements.  I can only picture you filling this space with possum pooh, piss & other nasty things.

I'm just waiting to hear back from my insurance company to send someone out and fix the mess you've made.    Then I also get to pay hundreds of dollars to a special "possum man" to come and possum-proof my roof, and catch you in order take you away and set you free again in my area !!!  How nice for you!    

May I suggest Unit 12 as a nice abode.  There is a lovely bogan family there that will appreciate your nightly river-dancing far more than I.    They will appreciate *you* in more ways that I.  

1 comment:

  1. Yuck yuck yuck. We had a possum move in under our house briefly a few years back and it freaked me the heck out. My husband was working graveyard at the time, and it was digging under our house in the middle of the night, and sounded like it would come busting up through our vents any second. I "slept" sitting up in a chair, afraid at any moment I would have to go into battle. Of course it didn't actually make it into the house. We had a possum guy come out, and he caught and took away a very pregnant mama possum.

    Hope your issue is able to be resolved without too much stress. I feel for ya.